It was now early December and Alli and I were in full swing, our
relationship was amazing and each weekend we spent almost every day
together. During the week we would text
or hang out but the weekends allowed us to just finally spend quality time
together. One Friday while at work I received a text from Alli…
Alli: Hey, how’s your day?
Me: Hey you! Its fine, working and
thinking about you!?
Alli: It’s Okay, can we talk tonight?
Me: Sure you want to talk now?
Alli: No I think in person is best.
Me: I’m getting scared, everything ok?
Alli: Can you come over after work?
Me: Alli?
Alli: Just come by?
Me: Of course, what time do you get out today?
Alli: I didn’t go in so I’m home now.
Me: I can leave early I’m sure.
Alli: It’s Okay I don’t want you to get in trouble.
Me: No it’s nothing, I’m scared tell me you’re ok.
Alli: I’ll see you after work.
The
rest of the day was horrible. I didn’t know what to think. I figured something happened or a big secret
she never told me or could she want to break up? That would be terrible I thought as I tried
to continue to work. We finally found
love and now she wants to end things?
What could be the issue, is there someone else? Is she not happy, or something I did or said? Why would she not want to be with me I thought? All these ideas rushed through my mind as the
day dragged on. I didn’t text her
anymore because I didn’t want to bother her.
Work ended and I left, I got in my car and the nervousness grew. I finally got to her apartment and was just a mess
wondering if this was the last time I would ever come here or even see her
again. I got out and just walked
slowly wondering and breathing deeply to calm down. I ran her bell and waited for her to come
open the door here it goes I thought. Alli
answered, she was in comfortable clothes and her eyes looked like she was crying
and had a sad and confused look on them, they were very heavy. I stepped in and kissed her, she was a bit
shy at first but kissed me back. I
kicked my shoes off and walked in.
She
asked if I needed a drink or anything but I was ok I said. She asked me to sit down and I did. “Alli I’m really scared.” She looked at me, got really nervous and her eyes
started watering up. “This is it isn’t
it, your breaking up with me.” I said
this as my eyes teared up. “Was it
something I did or said?” I went on, "are
you not happy is there someone else? Do
you just want to be single or did your family not like me? I can work with anything" I said, "can we at
least talk?" She started talking and told
me to just listen. I promised her I
would and I sat with nervous eyes. She
started going on talking about how the last few weeks she hasn’t being feeling
well she told me she hasn’t been eating right in weeks. I told her I noticed and got scared but
didn’t want to upset her by always asking.
She told me it came and went and when she felt ok she would eat
again. She went on telling me she would
have days of throwing up and just dizziness.
I started to get really worried but continued to listen. She told me earlier this week she set up a doctor
appointment. She then went on and said she was
on birth control but sometimes missed and wasn’t perfect. She talked about how sometimes it makes her
sick so maybe it was that. I started to
get really nervous thinking she was very ill.
She told me she went today and they ran some small test and some bloodwork. I told her I would be here for her and
nothing will make me leave. I looked in
her eyes, now tears pouring down her cheeks.
She took something from her pocket and showed me, I saw the device and
knew exactly what it was. I looked down
as she handed me it and muttered,
“Dave, I’m pregnant.”
I
stopped, time stood still. I knew I had only one second before my first
expression would show and let her know what was on my mind. I closed my eyes for a split second and
gathered myself. I opened them staring
at her just looking at me wondering what I will do or say. I sit close to her and take her hands. “It will be ok Allison.” I said this very softly, she smiled a bit but
looked down. She went on ranting a bit
telling me we are not ready for this, she was not ready for this. Things then took a turn for the worse as she
raised her voice and panic set it. “We
don’t even live together.” She screamed,
"how can we possible raise a child?
Everyone is going to be so upset, my parents, friends what am I going to
do," she yelled. I sat quietly letting her
vent and yell getting everything out. It
wouldn’t be good if we both got upset that’s for sure. She continued talking about how it was all
her fault how she didn’t take her birth control pills on time or at all
somedays. She told me she didn’t think
it could honestly happen. I
stopped her saying it was both our decisions not being safe. I told her I knew what I was getting into as
well. I tried to hold her but she didn’t
want that. I tried to comfort her but I
think she was frantic. I tried to make a
joke and ask if she was sure it was mine.
She looked up and furrowed her brow, “Really Dave? You think I’ve been fucking other guys?" I stuttered saying “No, I… was making
light?” She walked up to me and I got
nervous, "I would never cheat on you and haven’t had sex in so long before
you." She was upset and I knew it,
however I had every right to be nervous or scared, this was my child too.
I took her hands telling her whatever she
wanted to do I would support her. She
got upset, “Do?” She said, she continuing on telling me of course she was going
to keep it. I stopped her saying that
wasn’t what I meant, I was hoping she would.
I meant anything else. I decided
she ranted enough maybe I can shout a bit and bring her back. “This is my life too!” I shouted and continued on trying to tread
lightly, but yes I knew the risk and the first time we hooked up to the last. "I knew and honestly every time I finished
there was a part that realized this could be it, she could get pregnant and know
you know what I did." She looked at me
with a question on her face. I finished
what I said, why because as crazy as it sounds “I just knew you would be the
one I would be so lucky to have a family with.
I know we have only met a bit ago and that sounds nuts but I didn’t want
to say anything Alli. I’ve dated and I’m
older so I know what I want in life and can find it sooner than your typical
guy who is just young and dumb." I
continued on saying I won’t leave and I figured she would be happy with me not
freaking out as bad or just leaving all together.
She understood what I was saying and
thanked me for stepping up but it was all too real and she was just
scared. We sat in silence as well as
talking. As the night grew on, neither
one of us ate as our stomachs wouldn’t allow for it. I asked if she wanted me to spend the night
and she said as much as she still cares for me and knows I’m trying she just
isn’t sure, maybe I need to be alone she said “this wasn’t exactly planned.” She looked up at me upset telling me her apartment
lease was done and she either needs to renew her lease or move out. She cried, "I’m pregnant and I don’t know if I
should re-up my lease or move home.” I
tell her to move in with me, "I have two bedrooms, parking is nice, it is in a
good place, it is a bit smaller but cozy."
She smiled saying thank you but she didn’t want to feel the baby was
making us move in. I stopped her,
telling her I would want this even if she didn’t have the baby. We have been dating a while I stated but we do well when we stay over at our places. I looked at her and told her "I know your
strengths and weakness and you know mine.
You can’t do this alone," I said and "I know this isn’t ideal like dating,
getting married buying a house then having a baby but it’s our deal so we have to
push through. Besides I said you are
going to be the hottest pregnant woman in the world!"
She then started going off about Jenn’s
wedding. “I’m supposed to be in a
wedding early next year.” She continued
on expressing how Jenn’s going to be so mad I’ll be showing and that she won’t
fit in a dress and how she’s going to be the unmarried pregnant bridesmaid up
there. She cried even harder saying that
people will talk or judge her. I took
hold of her looking at her and saying she is going to look beautiful and her
friends won’t care, they will support her!
I told her that a pregnant bridesmaid is good luck too! She didn’t believe it and told me I was just
trying to make light of the situation.
I
tried my case to my best ability and sighed looking down but not arguing, I
hugged her and told her I know she will be the one carrying this child and some
may judge but this is our child and we carry the joy and burden together. “I don’t care what you say I’m not leaving I
won’t do it. You can love me or hate me
but I’ll be here for you Alli.” I said
holding her hands and crying a bit. I kissed her forehead and told her to just
please talk to me tomorrow. I did
everything I could and respected her wishes and put my jacket on and shoes at
the door. I didn’t want to upset her
anymore and maybe it was best if I got some air as well. Alli came over to the door and told me she
just needs time to process this all and will reach out to me, but in the
meantime to just let her be and give her some air. Before Alli shut the door I looked at her
saying, “All you have to do is show up at my door and I’ll take you in and we
can do this as a team and no matter your crazy moods through the months I’ll be
there, I promise.” I then told her
either way, as a couple or not I am not stepping down or walking away. She was crying as she shut the door. I took a deep breath of cool air and headed
to my car to go home.
The
next day I woke up, I was going to be a father I thought as I looked up at my
ceiling. This was one of the first
Saturdays I woke up without Allison next to me.
It was horrible, I had gotten used to her next to me on the weekends and now
I lay in bed alone. I wondered what was
going through her mind. I wanted to give
her space so that day I cleaned up my place got some laundry done and just hung
out trying not to think about things. I
texted Alli that night just some small talk telling her I won’t say anything to
anyone but I was glad she told me and I do hope I was the first to know. She replied telling me she hasn’t told anyone
either and that of course she would tell me first, I am the father. I tried telling her everything I could to let
her know I was going to be there. She
grew quiet and I didn’t know what to do so I gave her space. I started cleaning my apartment very deeply,
I wanted to get it ready for a child with Alli there or not. I called my parents and asked them if I could
have some of my old furniture in case I ever needed it. They said of course and to just get what I
needed ever. I thanked them, I had
another year on my lease so I couldn’t leave or even really look for a
house. I knew it was time to save
however and work really hard. Sunday
came and I just looked around my house thinking of how to get the house ready. I went through my bills and finances and
started to cut things I didn’t need saving every penny. I had to get this place ready for a baby,
whether Alli and I stayed together or not…
Next Chapter: What will be, will be….
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